Confidence

I was told today two very odd things, well three, really, but the third one is not very important.  The first one was that I was acting weird lately, insecure about my choices in things, the second that sometimes it seems like I am distant, as if I was not inside my own body.  I was thinking GEE, let me think about that, really. 

I think my biggest problem is that I am very non-confrontational.  I try to do whatever it takes to keep conversations to a minimum at this point. 

The reasons the comments where odd to me is because, as an experiment I chose to stop censoring myself.  How different am I? Really? I chose to not practice the few social nuances I have learned to imitate, quit pretending I understand every context or laughing at jokes I did not understand.  I allowed myself to do what I like, being absorbed in my current interest. 

Apparently the difference was very major because my roommates now think that I am seriously brooding or letting things get to me and acting like a distant, insecure person. 

I was like . . . OK?  What?

Apparently I wasn’t “being myself”.  I could have argued, told them this is who and how I am and that I had chosen to stop playing NT, you know? It would not have worked.  I think accepting this well, may be better for me in the long run.  They are just not going to understand, point blank, period.  I tried talking to one of them about it, he just said that the problem had nothing to do with him and no comment.  He acted as if I had grown a pair of evil appendages and proposed to use them for world domination.  I can’t talk to a damn person about my autism.  I can’t seem to be understood when I am the way I am and when I try hard to act ok, well it doesn’t work out great, either.  Not as bad as letting go, but not great.

My Question is: Why are functional differences so damn important?  Why do people always assume that you intend to do careless and rude things?  Why do people think self-absorption is intentional disregard for others?